I would like to take a moment to thank my classmates and Professor Shepherd for your input during the past eight weeks. I always learn something new when I read your posts each week because of the different perspectives and experiences that you share. As we prepare to break off into our respective emphasis studies, I may not have the opportunity to interact with all of you in future classes; I will miss those of you who will not be in the Adult Studies program. Good luck as you prepare to move forward toward your goals.

     This week’s topic surrounds communication which is necessary for groups. There are five stages in group development: forming, storming, norming, performing, and adjourning (O’Hair & Weimann, 2015). The names forming, performing, and adjourning are self-explanatory as to what happens in these stages. The term storming refers to stage in which team members begin to disagree and experience conflict. The term norming refers to the stage in which the participants have moved past their conflicts and established a pattern of usual, or normal, behavior. The stage this blog will address is the adjourning stage, the point at which the project has come to an end and the team disassembles.

     I think that the groups that are the most difficult to adjourn are those that combine a fairly long period of time with a successful achievement of stated goals. This type of group typically has reached a level of intimacy that makes it harder to say goodbye once the goal has been achieved. I believe that, in groups like this, it is important to have some sort of termination process in order for them to be able to fully commit to the next group project.

     In my own experience, I have participated in a couple of different termination processes. One of them employed a survey of all of the participants about the various aspects of the process and what each deemed as positives and negatives. Another termination ritual involved a social gathering of all the participants. Each of these rituals served different purposes; the first allowed the participants to learn from their problems and successes, while the second process allowed the participants a chance to interact on a purely social level – without any discussion of the actual project that had been completed. The self-evaluation process allows the participants to revisit the process of the project and think about what lessons learned will be useful in their next group endeavor. The social gathering, on the other hand, allows participants to just enjoy each other’s company without the pressure of a looming goal. I believe that when a group has developed a bond throughout the process, this ritual has more closure.

O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J.  (2015). Real communication (3rd. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

            Recently I was involved in a conflict in which the other party was defensive. In my opinion, the other party was justifiably defensive – to an extent – but seemed to be overly so. This defensiveness manifested itself as anger; but as I listened to her voice her outrage, I realized that there was much more going on besides anger and defensiveness. She was fearful that the situation at hand would morph into all sorts of bad things for her family. She was overwhelmed and depressed about several things that had transpired over the past several months, including the loss of a job that she had held most of her adult life. As an empathetic and people-oriented listener, I did not take her anger personally; I really wanted to reassure her and be a comfort. I understood that these other feelings were feeding into her anger, and that her anger would dissipate in proportion to the dissipation of those other feelings.

Unfortunately, this interaction did not go as well as I had hoped. Even though I feel as though I took the steps indicated in the text for communicating in a defensive climate, the conversation ended without anything being resolved and it has left a strain on our relationship.

Communication Evaluation

                This week’s assignment had us evaluate ourselves in three aspects of communication – Communication Anxiety, Verbal Aggressiveness, and Listening Style. We then were to have two other people evaluate us on the same aspects. This exercise was to let us see if our perceptions of ourselves as communicators matched up with how others perceive us.

                For this assignment, I chose to be evaluated by one of my daughters and one of my coworkers. My reasoning for this was that they know me in different ways and have seen me communicate in different contexts. As expected, my daughter’s evaluation was extremely close to my own evaluation; but my coworker’s evaluation was also very close to my own. I really didn’t know what to expect from my coworker’s evaluation, so I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was similar to my own. I think that the results of these two evaluations indicate that I was realistic in my own evaluation.

                One of the results of these evaluations that really surprised me was from the verbal aggressiveness survey. One of the statements was “When people refuse to do a task that I know is important, for no good reason, I tell them they are unreasonable.” My answer was rarely, my coworker answered almost never, and my daughter answered almost always. I found my daughter’s answer very disconcerting because it was so different from my own and yet she is the one who I feel knows me the best. I can only assume that she felt that I have done this to her in the past. The lesson that I took away from that is that I apparently am more aggressive with people when I am more comfortable with them; this is definitely something that I should keep in mind when communicating with people at work.

                

Cultural Communication

                I live and work in an area that is fairly homogenous when it comes to race. When I looked at the census numbers for my city, the minority population is less than 20%. The city where I work is only slightly higher. Of course, there are other types of cultures to consider, such generations, religion, political affiliation and so forth.

                The majority of people living in the Cleveland area are Democrats, I find it interesting that this is the case and yet Cleveland is hosting the Republican Convention. I am a registered Republican who doesn’t vote a straight party line. I typically do not discuss politics with people because I do not enjoy those types of conversations. People can become very emotional when discussing politics; so, I usually keep my opinions to myself.

                Although the majority of people here are either Catholic or Protestant, we also have a strong presence of Jewish and Muslim believers. Among the Protestants, we also have Greek Orthodox and Russian Orthodox whose religious calendars differ somewhat from the others. When it comes to communicating with people of other faiths, I tend to ask questions about anything that I don’t know or understand. I will also answer any questions about my religion that are asked, but I don’t spend a lot of time talking about it otherwise.

                Probably the type of diversity that I deal with the most is generational. As a widow, I am the only one of my generation at home. At work, there are only a couple of other women my age, the majority of the staff is in their twenties. Even at church, most of the congregation is older than I am and the rest are younger. (I seriously think that I am the only one in my generation.) Since I live with twenty-somethings, I understand their language patterns and can use those a work and at church. This comes in handy since many of the parents that I deal with are also in this age group, as well as many of my coworkers. When I am speaking to people of my own age bracket, or older, I tend use different phrases etc. than I would with the younger crowd. I sometimes still have difficulty communicating electronically with the younger group because of the acronyms they use; I know the basics, but sometimes I feel like they make up new ones just to confuse me.

                The other type of diversity that I deal with a lot is that of economics. People from different economic groups have different experiences in life and different needs. Sometimes it can be difficult to understand why a person does, or does not, do something the way you think they should; many times it comes down to a difference of perceived need. This is one of those times when I have found it advantageous to apply the suggestion of Gonzalez-Mena and suspend judgement until I try to understand where they are coming from.

                Another communication skill that I think is useful to employ is the Platinum Rule – Treat others the way they want to be treated. This takes a little more thought than the Golden Rule – Treat others the way you want to be treated, because you have to go outside of yourself and try to understand the other person. However, if you can understand what it is that the other person is looking for, you can help move the conversation forward.

                I have also come to realize that my communication style and nonverbal cues may not be as effective with some cultures as with others. I need to understand that some cultures may not be at ease with the speed of my speech, or the proximity I have to them, or any number of other things. When  I realize that something is causing discomfort, or miscommunication, it is my responsibility to take steps to remedy the situation to the best of my ability.

Non-vocal Communication

                This week’s assignment was to watch a television show that I do not normally watch while the sound was muted and then watch it again with the sound turned on. The purpose of this was to see if the conclusions that we drew from the first viewing matched with what we found to be true in the second viewing. The show that I chose to watch was “The Mindy Project”.

                The episode opened with Mindy, the only character I knew, having breakfast with a man. After watching their interactions for a couple of minutes, I determined that this man was either her husband or her boyfriend. The next scene shows Mindy in her bedroom with a pile of clothes on her bed and she is struggling to put on a pair of pants. She is clearly upset with the way her body looks and complains about being fat, this is easy to figure out because she slaps her belly. The man in her life, Danny, tries to reassure her and I lip-read the word pregnant. Mindy is not mollified by his response, she still seems upset and debates wearing something that looks like a sleeping bag with arm holes.

                Relationships at work were fairly easy to identify on the first viewing. There was the perky co-worker/friend, the snarly older woman/receptionist, the co-worker who is friends with Danny, and the boss who doesn’t seem to get much respect. The boss announces that they will be having a new staff photo taken, but when he brings the photographer in, Mindy protests that she needs more warning so that she can have her hair and makeup done and wear an appropriate outfit. (She was wearing a track suit.) At the end of this meeting there is an exchange between the boss and the other two main male characters that I didn’t understand at all when the sound was muted.

                After work that night, Mindy meets with her friend and some other woman who try to rebuild her self-confidence. At the same time, Danny is at what appears to be an adult pajama party with his friend and the boss. His friend spots a woman that he is clearly interested in with another man and convinces Danny to scope out the situation. Danny reluctantly agrees and has a conversation with her which, when muted, made me think that she may be interested in Danny. Then an angry woman burst into the apartment and throws everyone out. I was confused by this scene because I had no context as to who she was or what gave her the authority to throw everyone out.

                When Danny gets home, Mindy is dressed in an outfit that her best friend’s friend had given her to feel sexy. Unfortunately, when Danny sees her, he laughs. This was obviously not the response she was looking for and her feelings are clearly hurt.

                The next day, at work, Mindy tells her friend what happened, which makes her friend angry. When they try to take the staff photo again, Mindy is yelling at Danny, her friend is yelling at Danny, and Danny’s friend is yelling at him about something. Danny seems confused. Mindy and his friend go and confront the woman he is interested in. During this confrontation, he and Mindy seem to be united in what they are saying; but, at some point, that changes. He appears to be trying to say something, but Mindy waves him aside and talks over him. At about the same point in the conversation, Mindy hears what she is saying to this other woman and has some sort of epiphany.

                Meanwhile, back at work, Danny is confronted by Mindy’s friend and the woman who tried to help Mindy. They are upset by the fact that he had laughed at her. He appears to protest, but they are not letting him off the hook. Also, the boss has a confrontation with the woman who broke up the party the night before.

That night, Mindy shares her epiphany with Danny and they make up. When they prepare for the photo at work the next day, Danny wants to stand with Mindy – who is dressed in what I can assume is more normal attire for her. At the last minute, the boss runs in all disheveled – he is wearing the same clothes as the day before and I assume he has had sex.

When I watched the episode with the sound on, I discovered that I had been correct about most of my previous assumptions. The one assumption that I made in error was the one concerning Danny and the woman his friend liked. First, I did not know that the friend and the woman had been dating and that Danny had introduced them in the first place. The awkwardness that I saw the first time was due to the fact that she was considering breaking up with Danny’s friend, not because she was attracted to Danny.

On the first viewing, I had missed a few things - like the fact that a wedding announcement from a former colleague had upset the boss because he had once dated the bride. I also missed what the boss was saying to the guys after the meeting; he was inviting/ordering them to his adult pajama party so they could help him find a girlfriend. And it turns out that the mysterious angry woman was the boss' neighbor.

Although there were a few times when I was able to lip-read what was being said in a scene, the majority of my interpretations of the scenes and the characters came from their body language and facial expressions. These actions combined made it easier to understand the tone of the conversations. It was amazing to me how, as an example, Mindy was able to convey the fact that new thoughts were coming to her as she spoke with the ex-girlfriend. I think that my schema of understanding television comedies also helped me understand the parts the characters were playing. It probably would have been more difficult for me to make sense of a genre that I do not normally watch.

An Effective Communicator

            Someone I know that is an effective communicator is Dr. Stan Toler. Dr. Toler writes books and speaks at large gatherings, both of which he does very well. In both of these venues, he is able to connect with his audience in a personal way. One if the ways he does this is through personal anecdotes that apply to his topic. I have also had the opportunity to interact with him in a smaller group and found that he is able to use those skills with individuals as well. He does this by making each person feel as though they are important and being heard.

            I am not sure that my communication skills would translate as well in the varied circumstances in which Dr. Toler uses his skills. There are definitely techniques that he employs that would be useful for me to learn to use. Although I do not foresee writing a book in my future, I do need to communicate with a variety of group sizes; so, it’s important for me to be effective in each of those situations. Of special importance is to remember to focus on the individuals with whom I am communicating and letting them know that they are being heard.