Relationship Reflection

            The relationships in my life which are the most important to me are those with my family, particularly my daughters. I am close with both of them; we enjoy hanging out with each other. My oldest daughter not only lives with me, along with her husband, but she works with me as well. For a while we even worked in the same classroom. People made comments about the two of us being “freakishly close” and said that, although they loved their mothers, there is no way they could spend that much time together without being at each other’s throats. Our relationship is such that this close proximity is not an issue. We have similar dispositions and agree on many subjects, and we know when to give the other their space without making a big deal about it.

            My youngest daughter’s temperament is more a reflection of her father than of mine but, like her father, we have learned to appreciate each other’s opinions. She frequently makes me laugh. We like spending time together, whether we’re out and about or just sitting around watching television. Our relationship has evolved as she has gotten older. Her father passed away when she was a sophomore in high school, and there were times when our relationship was strained a little as we both were learning to adapt to our new situation. (For a while it was just the two of us because my oldest had gone away to college.) Although I know she still respects me as a parent, I feel like now we are friends as well.

            Another relationship that I enjoy is one with a former pastor, and boss, and his wife. When we worked together, we quickly developed such a good working relationship that people thought we had known each other before I had started working there. My husband and I would spend time hanging out with him and his wife and our children became friends. (My daughters occasionally refer to them as their other set of parents.) They have been present for many milestones in my life, from making a four hour trip to preach at my husband’s funeral, to making a nine hour trip to attend my daughter’s wedding. Although we are no longer in close proximity geographically, we remain close friends and make an effort to see each other at least once a year.

            For reasons I will not go into here, I tend to be a rather guarded person. It is not easy for me to open up with people in my private life, which can make it difficult to start new relationships. However, for some reason, I don’t usually have this issue when it comes to work. I have been able to maintain positive relationships with more than one former employer, former employees, colleagues, and both former and current parents of children in my class.

            Any relationship that lasts for any length of time will have periods of disagreement about one thing or another. I think the key to riding out these disagreements, and maintaining the relationship, is to recognize that they do not define the relationship; the love and respect that you have for that individual is not changed just because you have differing opinions about something. This is true whether that relationship is with a family member, a co-worker, or a family member of a student. It is especially important for me to remember that fact as I seek to partner with those families.